Monday, January 19, 2009

So you get a list.

Why? Because I should be cleaning my kitchen and Tori Joy is going to climb off of the bus early today (thanks for that, MLK....more proof that he hated women) and as soon as she's in the house, all hope of a neat and tidy kitchen go....poof.

Why my head hurts so bad today;

1. First swimming lesson created a bit of chaos when Tori almost went 'under' upon losing her kick board. I threw her a noodle. She caught it on the second try and I pulled my chlorine sputtering princess to safety. What. I didn't want to get my favorite yoga pants wet. And besides...would you want to be known as the woman who jumped into the deep end in her clothes to save her not-drowning kid?

2. Lili's Super Messy Painting Party. Again with the favorite yoga pants. I was completely obsessed with keeping the pants paint-free and horrified by my own lack of foresight. Hello. It's called a SUPER MESSY PAINTING PARTY.

3. Motorcycles on Ice. Yes. It's a true story. I took number one son to Motorcycles on Ice. There were motorcycles. On the ice. They were racing around in a tiny little oval. And MAD TV was there panning the crowd. Oh. Please. Let there NOT be such irrefutable proof that I was there. My hair still smells like exhaust. Oh....and if you really want to get stared at....wear your favorite yoga pants to the redneck fest that is Motorcycles on Ice, and park your SAAB between two trucks from Quasqueton with confederate flags taped up in their back windows.

4. 7 hours on Black Ice. Wait. Haven't I done that before? Like, last weekend? I had some time to think yesterday. As I was counting cars in the ditch. 52. Tom Cruise never did jump out of the ditch on a snowmobile screaming, "GET OUT! I wasn't able to stop the ice alien and it has taken over the highway! MOVE TO THE SHOULDER! Quickly!" I was ready, though. SO ready.

5. Last night I dreamt that I bought a snowmobile, a periwinkle helmet, matching snowsuit, and mint scented conditioner. I hate the exhaust from a two stroke engine. Hate it.