Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Trying to F.L.Y.

I have a list of things on my mind that are far too disturbing, distracting, and tear jerking to even list. Not to mention the fact that since they are very much my own personal problems, you would find them boring. *

So, in a manner that indicates that I may actually be somewhat disturbed, I have decided to clean my house. Not marathon cleaning, but rather the kind of cleaning that means I wake up in a super peaceful, clutter free environment every single day. The kind of cleaning that makes me want to stay home instead of going somewhere warm to sleep in a quaint B&B because my house is nicer. I know. I know. I know how many kids we have. I know I probably have adult ADD.** Stop being so negative.

I went to a website where there are a set of loving instructions about how to clean your house. Martha Stewart is not there. (there's no tiny "t" on my computer keyboard!) insert tiny t I'm not going to put the website in here. OK, I'll put it in the tags. I'm not sure I like flylady yet.

Yesterday, I was supposed to "shine the sink." The instructions are full of peppy encouraging acronyms like, CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome) and FLY (finally loving yourself.) Flylady explains that waking up with a shiny sink is like getting a morning hug from her. But I'm not very friendly in the morning and I'm not really into hugging people I'm not related to or BFF with or, like, with.***

As you can tell, I'm already encountering inner resistance to this one little thing: Shine Your Sink. Gee, I wonder why my house isn't clean 24/7. Probably due to the inner resistance I feel to Fold The Laundry, Wash The Dishes, and Sweep The Floor. The lack of inner resistance I feel to Make A Margarita, Eat A Piece of Pie****, and Put Down The Computer causes a whole new layer of problems.

I put called for support from my MOMS Club friends. Certainly, they will be Much Better at this than I am.

Ha.

Here's a little sample of the kind of support available from the SE side MOMS Club. tiny t*

From MOM 1:
"I think you all are CRAZY! You've decided it's not difficult enough to raise small children. (And in some cases Home School!) But now you also have to grow your own food, eat organic, make wonderful and nutritious homemade meals for your kids, de-clutter your homes and shine your sinks!I'm starting a new group. All those who want to join my "Slacker Moms" group come on over. We will feed our children junk food until they pass out into sugar induced comas on top of the pile of toys in the middle of the living room. Meanwhile we Moms will watch Oprah, eat chocolate, and complain about how difficult our lives are. 4:00 will signal happy hour and we will switch to wine or margaritas. This will put us in much better moods for when our husbands get home - and they will appreciate it much more than a shiny sink that they won't even notice!"

From MOM 2:
"Okay, what I can't figure out is how you can shine your sink when it is all full of dishes?! ; ) I don't even OWN a pair of shoes that ties anymore--wait, I have an old pair of tennis shoes, but I haven't had anything else with ties since 1992 when clogs started coming back! ...Even the "Slacker Moms" seem like a big commitment-- who keeps that much booze around?
I looked at the website and started to get dizzy, BUT I may check back on Tuesday again since she said that's a free day--so that means I don't have to do anything, right?
I want to know what she tells her children who decide they need to create the three individual "Villages" of their Lego Bionicles characters using the packing materials of the bookcase I just put together--styrofoam is VERY fun to clean up, EVEN when the kids are supposed to do it. I kept thinking--hey, they're being creative and not wanting to watch tv and they haven't had outdoor recess in 3000 years!
Keep improving yourselves, ladies--I'll keep watching ; )!"

See what I have to deal with? Do you see that I'd much rather hang out with people that are funny than people who run a tight ship at home? What are we going to do....sit around and admire each other's shiny sinks? Or bust open a good bottle of red at 4pm sharp and settle in with some Oprah. Hmmm......OK, my shoes are on my feet and my sink is shiny. That's all I've got for today. I'll keep you posted. tiny t**




*Please note that I am fully aware that EVERYONE has problems. I'm really only concerned with mine, though. Also, by "mine" I mean to include the personal problems of people that I dearly love. Everyone else can go get their own blog. It's free therapy, ya know.

**By that I mean to imply that my talent far exceeds my handicap, as with most people who's brains tend to short out every sixteen seconds or so. I am not referring to people who are socially retarded. And it's safe to say that because they wouldn't read my blog more than once. They wouldn't think I was funny at all. They can get their own blog about what makes an airplane stay up in the air. OK. That was mean. Sorry. Kind of.

tiny t When I'm in a really good mood, I like to read her magazine but then I become delusional about what one can accomplish while one raises four children while following a man with a beer can around and wiping up spills.

***You want that to say married to. I'm not.

****Eat A Pie

tiny t* I did not ask for or receive permission to publish these emails. I am, officially, asking for forgiveness instead. I have good tequila. In the house. Right now.

tiny t** Do you L.O.V.E all the footnotes? I just got finished reading Jen Lancaster's new book, "Such A Pretty Fat." It's very funny. Genie is reading it now. She said she L.O.V.E.S the footnotes. I'm not so sure. They are a pain in the rear to write.